We have entered a New Year and I’ve been sitting in it with a massive mix of emotions:
Love and pain. Hope and yearning. Sadness and joy.
They all seem to exist together for me now. None cancel the other out. They just live side by side.
But my family—they make it easier. They always have.
I am so deeply grateful for them. For the way we hold each other. For the way we continue to bring our girl with us into everything we do.
We are far from a perfect family. We are all so different in our own ways, yet somehow so much the same. And honestly, I think that is our power.
On New Years Day—day one of 2026—we painted crocs together using Ruby’s paints and brushes. Why crocs? Because Ruby loved crocs and had a pair in every colour imaginable. So we all painted the same white crocs; but each pair was created in its own unique way, reflecting the person wearing them. And it hit me how much that mirrors us.
Same family. Same love. Same loss.
Yet each of us carries it, expresses it, and lives it in our own way.
What made it even more special was watching each family member choose their design without knowing that I could tie meaning and symbolism back to Ruby in every single one. Beautiful pieces of her and messages from her.
Little reminders woven into something so simple and ordinary, yet so sacred.
We do not run away from the pain in our home.
We sit with it.
We talk about her.
We share stories.
We laugh.
We cry.
God, we miss her.
And at the same time, we know she is close. We feel her. We know she is proud of us. This is the hardest path we have ever walked, but moments like painting crocs together remind me of something so important:
We are not alone.
My crocs are painted like a sunrise. For me, they symbolize starting again. Rising again. Like the sun does every single day. No matter what the night held, it rises. It shines. It gives light. And then, when the day is done, it rests.
That feels like encouragement.
To keep going.
To keep shining when I can.
And to rest when I need to.
Happy New Year.
May you step into this year with a new canvas.
And may you paint it exactly as you need to.