About 7 years ago, my daughter Ruby shared a powerful analogy with me about mental health support. I have envisioned this analogy multiple times whenever I notice that I’m trying to jump in and take over a situation.
I am obviously paraphrasing here, but in essence she said:
“The ladder I am on was supplied to me by my therapist. It is my medication, my self-care, my therapy, my group therapy, my tools. It the work I have to do. I am on that ladder and it is mine to climb. You cannot get on the ladder and push me, pull me, or climb for me. I have to do it, and I may make mistakes and fall back down a bit, or I may climb very far.
You have to stay at the bottom of the ladder and support me; just hold onto the ladder and cheer me on. You can talk me through it, but you cannot get on the ladder. As much as you want to, you can’t. It will be difficult because you are going to see me struggle at times. I just need to know that you are there, supporting me.”
Personally, I have learned that for myself, being at the bottom of the ladder supporting it, holding on, cheering, and even sobbing, is really hard. Really, really hard.
For those of us at the bottom of the ladder holding it, we need people to hold us as well. We need a community of people supporting us as we support our loved one’s ladder.
Now, I have stepped back from Ruby’s ladder. Man, did she ever try. She really did, but she had to get off. I will, however, always honour her ladder. I will keep that ladder close to my heart because Ruby’s ladder made some big impacts on her climb.
I am still around my other kid’s ladders, ready to support and hold on as needed, but…I need someone to support my ladder too. I need my support system around me, to take over the ladders when I am tired.
We all need our support. We all need someone there to help us, because like our loved ones on the ladder, we cannot do it ourselves.
Reach out to your support system as you need. They are there for you.
Xo
~Tammy Powder~