I was in an appointment with a therapist many years ago, and she said a loaded statement that I did not understand at the time. This was before I really started my journey into self-awareness and self-care. I feel like I was on the threshold of learning that I could choose how I wanted to react, act and go through life’s challenges.
My therapist said, “What others think of you is none of your business.” I did not get it.
This is coming from someone who naturally is reactive, anxious and easily overwhelmed. I didn’t like the way I reacted or acted when I was overwhelmed, anxious or uncomfortable with someone else’s actions or thoughts towards me. I saw so many people keeping their cool and they seemed to have so much of their emotions together. I was envious.
Fast forward 15 years of learning and unlearning (mainly unlearning), I now often say this simple phrase to people as well. However, I expand on it because it is a loaded and very powerful statement that is meant to be understood and built on.
What other’s think of you is none of your business. The key here is, what other’s think. Let us break that down.
People’s thoughts are formed from their experiences, perceptions and their own life’s journey. If someone has had a very small life, not a lot of experiences, raised with judgement, many rules and feel like they are boxed in, their opinions are going to be that; small, judgement-filled and boxed. Their thoughts are formed by their own life experiences.
However, if you look at someone who is worldly, meaning they’ve experienced life not in a box but rather free-thinking, and they have had great loving experiences and more compassion, what they think is going to be more open, more compassionate and more positive. They form an opinion from their experiences and from their own perceptions of life.
We put so much emphasis on what others think of us and often, we shrink ourselves so we don’t stand out too much. Or we try to fit into a box that we clearly do not fit, all for the worry of, “What will others think of me?”
What has helped me is adding to this loaded sentence: What others think of me is none of my business because what other’s think has everything to do with their perceptions; not mine. And there is the freedom. No one person’s opinion is correct because again, their opinion is built on their own perceptions. They own those. Not us.
So instead, let us go about our lives doing our best, living in a loving way, moving forward for the good of the community. Let’s move the people, whose opinions don’t matter, away from our hearts. Let’s follow our own path, our own heart. I like to use the expression, “Stay in our own lane.” How freeing that would be!
If this resonates with you, I hope you can build on it, massage it to make it fit into your life so you too can remind yourself that what other’s think of you is none of your business.
Xo
Tammy Powder
Rambling On