I learned something so impactful the other day.
I was talking with my therapist about a situation that had rattled me and left me feeling emotionally charged—and not in a good way. She said something profound. In that moment of being dysregulated, ask yourself: What feeling am I experiencing from my childhood that was never met? How does this situation connect to those unmet emotions?
She went on to explain that when we get “triggered,” we are really re-experiencing a feeling from the past—a feeling that wasn’t cared for or validated as we were growing up.
That clicked for me. The feeling I had wasn’t actually about the situation I was in. It was pulling me back to earlier moments when my emotional needs weren’t met. I felt lessthan. My opinion didn’t matter. I wasn’t important. And the present situation had tapped into that old wound.
When we can pause long enough to notice what’s happening—to witness the feeling instead of reacting, lashing out (which we almost always regret), or shutting down—we give ourselves a little more space and control. We shift from being driven by emotional mind into connecting with our wise mind, even just a little faster.
For me, this was massive. Everything became clearer, like a puzzle piece finally snapping into place.
I’m sharing this in the hope that it might bring you some clarity too.