I see a lot of parents struggling with their child, trying to understand them and feeling so frustrated and at the end of their rope. I see it more and more.
Parenting is never simple. It’s filled with joy, love, and pride—but also has challenges that confuse and stress us in ways we never imagined. When you are parenting a child who lives with mental health challenges, those challenges can feel even heavier, scarier. There are moments of confusion, fear, and sometimes even helplessness. As parents, we may find ourselves asking: How do I help? How do I understand what my child is going through?
It’s incredibly lonely. We feel like we are the only ones, but friends—we are not the only ones going through these storms.
The truth is, we may never fully know what it feels like to live inside our child’s mind. But what we can do is learn. As parents, it’s imperative to learn about the children that we HAVE. Not the children we WANT.
Mental illness can be hard to understand, especially when we haven’t experienced it ourselves. That’s why it is so important that we take the time to educate ourselves. We cannot simply rely on assumptions, stereotypes, or what society has told us about mental health.
Learning helps us move from judgment to compassion. When we read books, listen to podcasts, watch videos, or attend workshops, we begin to see our child’s world more clearly. We understand their struggles better, and that understanding shifts our hearts. Suddenly, we are no longer frustratedly thinking “Why can’t they just…?” but instead we’re thinking, “How can I support them through this?”
Our kids do not need more judgment. They already feel the weight of being misunderstood in the world around them, of not belonging. What they need—more than anything—is compassion at home. A safe place at home. And compassion grows when we commit ourselves to learning.
When we learn about our child’s diagnosis, symptoms, challenges, or even the realities that they may face, we begin to parent differently. We respond with more clarity. We don’t always get it right but if we can get it even 20% better, that is a start. Learning doesn’t take away the hard days. But it gives us tools, better perspective, and the ability and strength to stand with our child instead of against them.
Parenting never stops and our learning cannot stop either. Mental health is complex and ever-changing. What worked last year may not work today. What helped your child as a teenager may look different when they are an adult.
Our children—no matter their age—still need us. They need us to keep trying, to keep showing up, and to keep learning.
If there’s one truth I’ve come to believe deeply, it’s this: our children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents that keep trying. Parents that say, “I’m sorry, I messed up but I promise to keep trying.” Parents who are willing to say, I don’t fully understand, but I’m willing to learn. Parents who are humble enough to admit when they don’t know, and brave enough to keep searching for answers.
Because when we learn, we begin to understand.
When we understand, we lose judgment.
And when we lose judgment, compassion grows.
And in that compassion, that is where we can actually communicate with our kids, find ways to cope together, to compromise, to move forward and figure out big things together.
That compassion is the safe place our kids long for. It’s the foundation that helps them heal, hope, and keep going.
So let’s keep learning—for them, and with them. Always.
Because if the unthinkable happens, at least you will look back and say, I freaking tried. I tried my best. I messed up but I acknowledged that, I apologized for that. And I learned, I tried. Dammit, I tried. You will look back and think…. I never turned my back, I stayed for it all. And that, I hope, will eventually bring you a little peace. Because, many parents don’t try.
And your child, they will always know when you try. And that right there, that is showing love.
True love.
Take it from me.
Just a mom trying to get it figured out.