Today is June 2, and we have made it through May.
I used to love May. May was a month for me to celebrate, as Mother’s Day and my birthday are in May.
But May is also the month that my daughter passed to the Other Side.
I was naïve this year. I thought because I knew where she was, that she was still with us communicating in her new way, and that she was close, I would be okay.
I was so wrong.
Even if the heart and mind know and have such a deep faith, the body remembers, and if you’ve never experienced this, it is incredibly hard to explain. The anxiety, stress and turmoil in the body are so damned heavy.
What I learned in May
I have learned a lot this May as I navigated Ruby’s 2nd Angel Day.
I learned:
The Body remembers the day, the lead up to the day. The last times.
Even though my faith is unwavering that she is close, I miss her physical presence desperately.
We look at everything we have done wrong and focus on that intensely, without even realizing we are doing it.
It is just so damned heavy and sad. Even when trying to talk myself through the fact she is here. She is close.
Getting through a difficult period
I cannot plan anything around her Angel Day. Not weeks before or weeks after.
I have to just do what I can to maneuver through. Cry and cry, let the pain out but also eat well, move my body. Self-care is essential.
Keep talking. Find my safe people, and keep talking.
I am glad May is over, and I am taking big, deep breaths. As we step into June, I am looking back at myself with a lot of compassion and growing.
I am looking ahead to more connections with my girl, my deepening awareness of Spirit and knowing with everything within me that she and our loved ones have just gone ahead. I am looking ahead with more self-care, compassion and love for myself as me, who I am, and also as a mother.
If you’re going through some big, painful waves, some big anniversaries, take your time. Have compassion for yourself, and most of all, know that you need to do what you need to do, for you.
Thank you for walking with me.
I am walking with you as well.