Holidays can be incredibly hard for those of us who are missing someone special who once had a seat at the table. And now, there is an empty spot.
When my Ruby went Home, that empty spot was heartbreaking. It was this physical reminder that she wasn’t going to be sitting there again, and it was beyond painful the first time we sat down as a family…It was so damned heavy.
So I took her bunnyhug and placed it on a chair. My son Jaxon looked at me and said, “That’s not her spot. She always sat beside me.” And he moved her bunnyhug to exactly where Ruby always sat. That is where it stayed.
Then I added a little sign for anyone joining us at the table that said, “Reserved for Ruby.” No one sat in her spot. Not once.
I’ve talked to many people who have found their own ways to honour the person they are missing during the holidays, when the family all gathers. And I really believe honouring them helps our hearts that are so damned sad. Setting a place for them, saving their spot, lighting a candle, making their favourite food or simply saying their name. These little things can mean so much to a heart that is hurting.
I think when we do these things, we are acknowledging the ache in our hearts, but we are also acknowledging something else: Our love did not end. Their physical presence may no longer be here, but the love is still here. Their place within our family is still theirs, and their presence can still be felt so very strongly.
If you’re coming into the holidays missing someone, please take your time and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. Let the tears fall, and don’t feel you have to hold them in for the sake of everyone else. Talk about how you’re feeling, write in a journal or write your loved one a letter and tell them everything that is in your heart.
I believe they hear us. Save their spot, light a candle, make their favourite dish or give thanks for the time you had with them during your Thanksgiving prayer. Whatever it is that your heart feels called to do, please do it.
My way through these family times is to honour my girl. Ruby will always be part of this family, and although the way we gather around our table has changed, the love we have for her has not. I don’t ever want her name to become something we are afraid to say or her place in our family to become something we quietly move past. She is our Ruby, and she will always belong right here with us.
And if you’re quietly struggling and hurting as the holidays approach, please know that you are not alone. I know how incredibly painful these family gatherings can be when someone you love so deeply is missing.
Please remember that your love for your person is still here, still strong and still deserving of being honoured. Just because their physical presence is no longer here does not mean the love left with them.
I see you. Thank you for seeing me. ❤️